When you collect all these pieces into a book, I WILL buy it. (And that's coming from me, an anonymous internet person, so you know 100% I'm not lying. (But seriously, I LOVE your stubsacks!!! (That's what I call a Substack post: a stubsack.))) Btw, in the Substack app you can get an AI voice to read your posts out in a monotonous American accent and inevitably drain all the comedy out of them. So that's nice. Thanks, Substack. Thanks a lot.
My stepdad has managed to voice train our tortoise to come to him on command, so he can now play an extremely long and one sided (sort of version of) fetch without the actual fetching.
Tres amusant! And I thought, from your sketches, that you only had problems with technological things. You appear to have invited the complications of the biological world into your life as well. We are all the better entertained for it!
We have a tortoise too - might have to hit you up for the tortoise hotel info as last winter we bought a tiny fridge and have now given it away because partner says there’s no room for it in the summer months (we don’t drink that much wine). Hadn’t considered winter boarding option.
There are lots of tortoise boarding options across the UK! Alison had one and then we moved two counties away and found an even better one so worth a google!!
I just got a tortoise a couple of months ago. It's the best thing I've ever done.
My husband, however (who has spent most of life being as barefoot as possible) now spends his days shouting at said tortoise: "This is MY house. I was here first. I shouldn't have to wear socks in MY OWN HOUSE!" I am glad to hear that 'bald tort' is an issue elsewhere.
Wow. Our Eastern Hermann’s Tortoise (Sheldon - our niece named him, sorry) has free rein in our place in chicago. Reign is more like it. Little sassy tortoise loves to run out of his “room” (terrarium) to defend his turf. Never ever look at his cloaca (or whatever that thing is called) or you’ll be forever haunted. And oh does he ever love his booty scratches!! (Follow him @sheldonthesassytort on TikTok )
It took me a while, I was wondering why SubStack was spamming Steve Martin at me, but now I see it, but I read a little, but I'm not quite with it, it feels like the show might be good, but I'm trying to tune the TV and it's not quite tuning in properly, like there's something familiar, but the pictur’s Wibbly Wobbly,
‘I won’t go into her pregnancy’ - WHAT!! Why not? Is Dr Alison the matriarch of a long an illustrious tort dynasty or not? How many baby Alison’s are there? These are the things we need to know
Please interview tortoise hotel lady! I bet she's got some great insider gossip from those fridge parties...
This was just so delightful
When you collect all these pieces into a book, I WILL buy it. (And that's coming from me, an anonymous internet person, so you know 100% I'm not lying. (But seriously, I LOVE your stubsacks!!! (That's what I call a Substack post: a stubsack.))) Btw, in the Substack app you can get an AI voice to read your posts out in a monotonous American accent and inevitably drain all the comedy out of them. So that's nice. Thanks, Substack. Thanks a lot.
ohhh thank you! sending a screenshot of this comment to 400 publishers can't wait to get a book deal
My stepdad has managed to voice train our tortoise to come to him on command, so he can now play an extremely long and one sided (sort of version of) fetch without the actual fetching.
Oh my god. I need to know how to do this.
I think he sometimes permits the tortoise to hump one of his leather shoes :/
right is the tortoise male because i once saw a male tortoise's genitalia and it was the most harrowing sight of my life
yeah it's truly harrowing but he does like to get amorous with a shoe. Be grateful you've never heard the noises lolololols
I heard the noise a bit when Alison humped her sister - absolutely haunted
Hilarious. Always here for more tortoise content 🐢💚
Tres amusant! And I thought, from your sketches, that you only had problems with technological things. You appear to have invited the complications of the biological world into your life as well. We are all the better entertained for it!
This was amazing. I too will buy your book - I hope our comments start a bidding war with the publishers
can’t thank you enough for this opportunity - DMing penguin NOW
I'm just hare for the ratio
This was hilarious as usual and also thank you for adopting and not shopping
We have a tortoise too - might have to hit you up for the tortoise hotel info as last winter we bought a tiny fridge and have now given it away because partner says there’s no room for it in the summer months (we don’t drink that much wine). Hadn’t considered winter boarding option.
There are lots of tortoise boarding options across the UK! Alison had one and then we moved two counties away and found an even better one so worth a google!!
I just got a tortoise a couple of months ago. It's the best thing I've ever done.
My husband, however (who has spent most of life being as barefoot as possible) now spends his days shouting at said tortoise: "This is MY house. I was here first. I shouldn't have to wear socks in MY OWN HOUSE!" I am glad to hear that 'bald tort' is an issue elsewhere.
Wow. Our Eastern Hermann’s Tortoise (Sheldon - our niece named him, sorry) has free rein in our place in chicago. Reign is more like it. Little sassy tortoise loves to run out of his “room” (terrarium) to defend his turf. Never ever look at his cloaca (or whatever that thing is called) or you’ll be forever haunted. And oh does he ever love his booty scratches!! (Follow him @sheldonthesassytort on TikTok )
What a wonderful read to wake up to! ❤️
I’m so pleased to meet you Stevie and Dr Alison Parker. I just know life is going to be better now. Especially when you write your book.
It took me a while, I was wondering why SubStack was spamming Steve Martin at me, but now I see it, but I read a little, but I'm not quite with it, it feels like the show might be good, but I'm trying to tune the TV and it's not quite tuning in properly, like there's something familiar, but the pictur’s Wibbly Wobbly,
I think I'd like to know more.
‘I won’t go into her pregnancy’ - WHAT!! Why not? Is Dr Alison the matriarch of a long an illustrious tort dynasty or not? How many baby Alison’s are there? These are the things we need to know