28 Comments
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Hayley Dunlop's avatar

Detail buried in instructional video:

"Oh, btw, you must have hooves."

Two weeks later:

"Sorry, we weren't looking for *cloven* hooves this time around."

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Stevie Martin's avatar

FOILED AGAIN BY MY CLOVES

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Jenny Jacoby's avatar

The man from the videos with the kitchen was in the security queue with his family at Luton airport, which was a long queue and every 20 minutes we would be lined up alongside each other in opposite directions and I wondered if they were also getting on EasyJet or if the advert gig gave them better holiday options.

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Stevie Martin's avatar

I would lose my mind if I saw him in real life. Oh my god

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Emma Stieger-White's avatar

This is SOOOO relatable and hilariously written!!! I don’t even get the small TV auditions mainly just the commercials and I get all those thoughts and feelings! I do wish they would say when it’s a ‘no’! It would so help with the moving on process! Also laughed so hard at the holiday bit! The filming is always booked for the week you book a holiday! I didn’t go on holiday for about 10 years unless I ‘got an acting job’ 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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Stevie Martin's avatar

the holiday thing honestly every SINGLE TIME. It’s like the lord of acting doesn’t want you to relax and also doesn’t want you to enjoy the job you got ffs

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Mike Cooper's avatar

Another fantastic piece of writing, Stevie. So bloody funny. And the 'let me butter your crackers' pic might be your best yet! Was self taping a thing pre-covid? I'd find that so impossibly hard to do. The stress I felt trying to record a 20-second audio bit for series 3 of DMs was insane- and that was literally just me in a room where no-one else could hear. I am constantly in awe of actors, I would love to be able to do it, but I am way too self conscious. We made films when we were in our late teens, but that was just a bunch of mates, can't imagine doing it in front of actual people. Anyway, if I ever get one of my scripts away, I will make sure there is a part for you. (Unless you send a tape with a door in it, sorry, but rules is rules.)

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Stevie Martin's avatar

Ohhh that’s so lovely! And good luck with the writing - can’t imagine getting a script away! The DREAM actually!!

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Jenny's avatar

I’ve seen that white paint advert 100 times and have only just realised it wasn’t an advert for paint 🫠

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Stevie Martin's avatar

I still only half believe it isnt!! Maybe it is?!

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Crushed by MCS's avatar

I loved this and it made me feel less lonely thank you. And I fucking hate that kitchen bloke (I'm sure he's lovely in real life blah blah). He makes me want to claw my eyes out and burn down his kitchen and leave the business and send him a long picturesque but boring monologue about doing that.

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Stevie Martin's avatar

YES RIGHT??? We must be freed from kitchen bloke. Life is too short for kitchen bloke ❤️

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Crushed by MCS's avatar

Shame it's a bit niche as it's rrrripe for parody.

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Wendy Varley's avatar

*Ponders insignificance*. I thought the moon in your Audition Rejection Toolbox was a croissant and maybe there’d be an emergency jar of Biscoff to go with it. (You’ve got me addicted to that stuff btw.)

Very funny and very informative, Stevie. Even the bit about watermarks!

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Stevie Martin's avatar

I should have put a biscoff croissant in there!!! Ffs!!! Thank you Wendy ❤️

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Elaine R. Frieman's avatar

🤣🤣🤣 Hope you get the next one. 🤞🏻

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Elaine R. Frieman's avatar

Laugh emojis for how funny the writing is not because you didn’t get this one of course. 😅

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Stevie Martin's avatar

hahaha don’t worry I got it!! 🌝

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Stevie Martin's avatar

As in I got the joke I didn’t get the job WHAT ARE WE LIKE

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Elaine R. Frieman's avatar

🤪😂

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Rebecca and Claire's avatar

Loved this/it was highly triggering. Love Becks x

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Martin Higgins's avatar

Huge fan of the Bad Yield Tomato.

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Michaella Parkes's avatar

😂 😂 😂

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Phil Daniel's avatar

I'm in the doctor's waiting room and this made me laugh a lot. Thank you!

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K Sav's avatar

Hilarious! Oh god, casting. Spotlight off Leicester Sq. The thin walls, the waiting. 🙀

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Stephen D Forman's avatar

"You are perfect for the part, Nicole, but you knew the rule about doors." -- Lars

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Kodiak's avatar

This is actually informative, thanks - we don't see this side of the entertainment/advert industry. Does your experience in stand up help with the process, such as the rejections? Or does it still sting every single time, and you die a little, and want to cry, but you go to the toilet and there is a toilet Kipling just waiting for you?

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Stevie Martin's avatar

Weirdly cos they’re both totally different, they don’t seem to help the other. If I haven’t done an audition in ages but i have done stand up - I’ll still be proper nervous before the audition! Annoying actually!!

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