21 Comments
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Murdo McGhie's avatar

In a hotel in Galway I fell asleep while holding a full glass of water. I left a post it note that said 'I'm really sorry but I promise it's just water'. When I got back the housekeeper had written me a note that said (verbatim I swear) 'sure now you're grand, happens most weeks'

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Stevie Martin's avatar

This is beautiful

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Hayley Dunlop's avatar

I once checked out of a hotel in Japan (!) and it quickly became apparent that the staff policy was to stand outside and wave me off until I was out of their eyeline (I kept looking behind me to check). The trouble was is that it was a very straight road for a very long time. For all I know they are still waving.

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Stevie Martin's avatar

This is wonderful and terrifying and helpful

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Wendy Varley's avatar

Very funny, Stevie! Thank you!

I once had to leave an apologetic note (plus whatever euros we had left over) for the cleaners in an Austrian ski cabin saying, "Entschuldigung. Die Kinder hatten nasenbluten." Their duvet covers were like a crime scene. I couldn't work out how to say, "This resort is at a very high altitude."

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Stevie Martin's avatar

Oh my god that is very funny but also must have been terrifying? I think high altitude is highen altitudegung

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Tina Weirauch's avatar

“… and now my bag smells of wind.” I admit I snorted at this.

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Stevie Martin's avatar

❤️❤️❤️

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Megan's avatar

I cleaned a hotel for a summer once and couldn't understand how people would leave their rooms in such a state. One man must have shaved his entire beard into the sink and just left it, and once I pulled the bedding back to find a dildo they had left behind. Felt slightly conflicted putting it in the bin but when I went to put it in lost and found, my older colleague said 'absolutely not', and that was that. My favourite day on the flip side was finding a frog in the shower :) (I rescued him, don't worry)

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Stevie Martin's avatar

Oh wow you need to start a whole substack just on this!!!

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Stephen D Forman's avatar

Heavy sleeper here. Once woke up groggily to some thumping and commotion, wasn't sure what all the fuss was about. Decided to check the hallway. I cracked the door to find half a dozen firefighters running up and down its length and people clearing out. It was then that I clocked the fire alarm. I'd slept right through it.

Learned something about myself that morning. If fire breaks out in a hotel, I'm cooked ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Stevie Martin's avatar

I hear you! I once slept through a fire drill at uni and I lived in the room where hard of hearing people are usually put (nobody in our year was, so I was put in there) and so the entire room vibrated and lit up. I slept through it

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Stephen D Forman's avatar

Ha! Kind of a slam dunk for the mattress, though ("Hi folks, I'm Stevie Martin, here to talk to you about why I'm obsessed with my TempurPedic...")

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Kodiak's avatar

I quite like hotels too, except I don't like it when they try and nickel and dime (or "5p and 10p" as we British people would say) me for things like internet. And I need the shower to be powerful, none of this 'just a light sprinkle of water'.

I also have never shat the bed, but I have done a less than tactical chunder in the Crowne Plaza in Manchester in the sink which then would not go down.

I will absolutely agree on hotel rooms should be cold, then you can warm yourself up to your hearts content. There is nothing more stifling than being in a hot hotel room with no way to cool down. My friends just today reminded me of a trip to Krakow during a heat wave about ten years, where after many beers a photograph was taken of me in the roasting hot hotel room stark naked wearing nothing but a bag of Taytos over my joy. Wasn't even a big bag.

Oooh, will there be another post before New Years or will the next time we see you, your substack will have gained a ton of followers because of Reasons? :D

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Stevie Martin's avatar

Agreed re shower. Nothing worse than a tiny stream good lord

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Ted's avatar

A fellow hotel lover here, specifically getting into a professionally made bed. What a joy. I was a very jealous child watching Zack & Cody .

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Stevie Martin's avatar

I love getting the bed made but hate the hotel tuck cos it feels like I’m trapped in the bed??

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Hayley Dunlop's avatar

Yeah, fuck that tuck. I untuck the fuck out of it INSTANTLY.

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Ellie Kime's avatar

Justice for the tuck! It makes me feel like I’m in a cocoon!

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Hayley Dunlop's avatar

I think I must love an unconscious flail 🤷🏻

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Elaine R. Frieman's avatar

🤣

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